The Social Stages of Play

Applying the Social Stages of Play to Respite Support

In our work, respite providers often meet individuals who are socially hesitant – not because they don’t want connection, but because they haven’t yet discovered a way to engage that feels safe and manageable. As respite providers / Community Engagement Providers, we play a crucial role in supporting the individual’s overall well-being while also gently guiding and encouraging their social development.

The stages of play framework, originally introduced by Mildred Parten in 1929, outlines six developmental stages: Unoccupied, Solitary, Onlooker, Parallel, Associative, and Social (Yuen & Santo, 2018). Though initially based on observations of young children, these stages provide a valuable model for understanding how people naturally transition from self-focused activity toward social interaction. This model remains relevant across the lifespan and aligns closely with the experiences of individuals receiving respite care, many of whom are learning—or re-learning—how to engage socially.

By recognizing and working with these social stages, Community Engagement Providers can offer thoughtful, respectful support that helps individuals progress in their own time and in their own way.

Unoccupied Play

At this earliest stage, the individual may appear disengaged—pacing, fidgeting, sitting quietly, or seeming to do “nothing.” However, they are often processing their surroundings, regulating their internal state, and assessing their sense of safety. As Community Engagement Providers, we support this process by joining them in calm, non-intrusive ways. One person I supported would often ask to sit upon entering a shopping mall and simply observe others. I would sit with them, offering quiet presence. These moments of shared stillness can serve as the foundation for trust, marking the start of relational connection.

Solitary Play

Here, the individual begins to engage with the environment through independent activity—perhaps coloring, using a sensory toy, or building something on their own. Our role is to notice and support these interests, providing opportunities and materials while respecting their autonomy. One person I supported took to building LEGO sets independently. This stage fosters self-direction and confidence—key building blocks for future social engagement.

Onlooker Play

In this phase, curiosity begins to surface. The individual observes others from a distance—watching children at a park or noticing interactions within their community. They may not yet join in, but they are absorbing social information. Respite providers can facilitate this by choosing inclusive, low-pressure environments—like movie theatres or shopping centers—where individuals can safely observe social dynamics. Providing permission to “just watch” can be a powerful way to ease social anxiety and spark interest.

Parallel Play

Now, the individual begins to engage in similar activities alongside others. They might not interact directly, but they are physically present and participating in a shared space. Community Engagement Providers help set up these moments—offering quiet companionship, providing materials, and modeling co-presence. I once supported someone who, seeing another person playing a game at an arcade, chose to play the same game at the next machine while watching to learn how to play. This proximity offered comfort and a subtle bridge to future interaction.

Associative Play

At this stage, light interaction begins to emerge. Individuals may exchange comments, share tools, or make casual conversation. Though not yet fully collaborative, there is a sense of mutual engagement. Respite providers can foster these moments by encouraging group activities where shared interests naturally invite small exchanges. During a baking activity, for example, a person might ask for a turn with the whisk. These small acts of connection are often spontaneous, and our job is to notice, validate, and gently encourage them.

Social (Cooperative) Play

This is the most collaborative stage, where individuals actively engage with others toward a common goal—whether in a game, group project, or community activity. Getting to this stage takes time and trust, and not every individual will choose or need to reach it. But for those who do, Community Engagement Providers often witness deeply rewarding progress. One individual I supported eventually joined a hockey league, engaging in team discussions and contributing ideas. What appeared to be a leap forward was in fact a gradual, supported movement through each preceding stage.